


It's Only Smiles

by NeonKnight



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Denial of Feelings, Dorks, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Hatake Kakashi-centric, Help, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Older Man/Younger Man, Poor Sai, Post-Canon, Rare Pairings, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-01-14 21:29:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18484729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeonKnight/pseuds/NeonKnight
Summary: After an unexpected love confession from Sai, Kakashi lets him down easy, thinking it's what's best for his subordinate.Can Kakashi learn to love Sai in return?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guess who's back on her rarepair bullshit? That's right. Me.
> 
> I absolutely love KakaSai and I am very sad that there is so little content for this pairing so here I am contributing to the cause.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy!
> 
> As always, this is unbetaed. All mistakes are mine.
> 
> For my Discord Wives, who are enablers of my off the wall rarepairs. I love you ladies.

_ “Senpai, if you have a moment, could we talk?” _

 

_ Kakashi turned his attention from re-reading his Icha Icha book to Sai. The younger shinobi was very calm on the surface. His Root training hadn't entirely left him even though it had been a few years since the secret squadron of Anbu was shut down for good. Kakashi could still see the nerves in Sai's dark eyes no matter how hard he fought to conceal it.  _

 

_ “Of course.” He patted the ground next to him in invitation. Sai sat stiffly beside him. _

 

_ Sai had forgone his perch across the training field with Sakura. They had been watching Naruto spar with Sasuke. If they didn't let the two let off their excess energy somehow between missions, disaster would surely follow. Sure, the training grounds were always a complete mess afterward, but better that than the rest of the village. _

 

_ The artist nin said nothing after joining Kakashi. He opted to stare intently at his teammates. Kakashi decided that maybe gentle prompting would get Sai to open up. “You said you wanted to talk?” _

 

_ “Yes.” Finally Sai turned his head to face him. “I have done a lot of reading on this subject, and I am trying to implement the suggestions.” _

 

_ “What subject have you been reading on?” Kakashi pressed. He set his book completely in his lap, giving his subordinate his complete attention. _

 

_ “Love.”  _

 

_ “I see. So, you came to me for advice? You'd probably have better luck with Sakura. Love isn't exactly my strong suit.” _

 

_ A pregnant pause hung in the air while Sai gathered his thoughts. “No. I didn't come for advice, senpai.” _

 

_ “Okay, then. Did you come to recommend that I read your book?” Kakashi chuckled at the thought that his dear emotionally stunted student noticed how sad his love life was, and took it upon himself to help. It was adorable. _

 

_ “No. I didn't come to do that either. I came to tell you that I am in love with you.” The matter of fact delivery was so entirely  _ Sai  _ that Kakashi almost didn't register the words at first.  _

 

_ Kakashi did not expect that. Not at all. He literally expected anything other than that. “Maa, Sai, I'm not sure what I am supposed to say here.” He scratched the back of his head in discomfort. _

 

_ He and Sai had grown a lot closer over the aftermath of the war. Kakashi would often take Sai with him on missions, or he would retrieve the artist for Team 7 outings when his former students would forget to invite him. They didn't do it on purpose, but they were so entranced with the fact that Sasuke was back for good that Sai and Tenzou were sometimes an afterthought. Kakashi didn't like it. So sometimes, he would take Sai out one on one for team bonding outings, or train with him exclusively. Sai was already deadly as an Anbu, but he was becoming even more so under Kakashi's tutelage. Maybe somewhere down the line Sai had developed a crush and was mistaking it as love. It happened all the time. When he was younger, he held similar feelings for Minato. _

 

_ “The book said that sometimes subtlety wasn't enough. That you have to just tell the person you love how you feel.” _

 

_ “... Just how long have you felt this way?” Kakashi almost didn't want to hear the answer. _

 

_ “Since the war ended.” Sai replied.  _

 

_ “I see. Sai, I care about you, and I trust you with my life. I'm flattered by your feelings. Really. I am, but you're my student. Us being together would be wrong.” Kakashi carefully watched Sai's face as he spoke. His expression never changed.  _

 

_ He didn't want to hurt Sai, but he also couldn't enter a relationship with one of his students. He would have said the same thing to Sakura, or Naruto, or heaven forbid even Sasuke if one of them had came to him with a love confession. Well, that's not entirely the truth. If one of them had come to him with that he would have rejected them on the basis that he viewed them as his children. He didn't view Sai as one of his kids, but it was still wrong.  _

 

_ Sai let his patented fake smile slip into place, effectively cutting himself off. Great. Kakashi felt like the world's biggest asshole. Hopefully one day Sai would see that this was for his own good.  _

 

_ Sai stood up abruptly. “Sai, wait-” Kakashi tried to explain himself further, but the artist raised a hand to silence him. _

 

_ “Thank you for your honesty, senpai. I am sorry for making you feel uncomfortable. If you prefer, we can pretend this conversation never happened.” With that, Sai hastily made his way back to his original spot with Sakura. He almost got swept up into Sasuke and Naruto's fight since he wasn't paying attention. _

 

_ “What the fuck, Sai?! We could have seriously hurt you, y'know!” Naruto bellowed. The blond was digging his fingers into Sai's shoulders out of worry. _

 

_ “My apologies, Naruto-kun. Please continue your spar. I will stay out of the way.” His voice sounded flat. Even for Sai. _

 

Even though six months had passed since that day, Kakashi still felt a little guilty about it. Sai had kept to his word that he would pretend that their conversation never happened, but it left a bit of a sour taste in Kakashi's mouth. Sai never appeared uncomfortable around Kakashi, but on the flip side, he started to decline Kakashi's invitations to train or grab a bite to eat if it was just going to be the two of them. It surprised the Copy Nin just how much that affected him. 

 

When Sai would agree to come with him for lunch, or to go spar, the atmosphere was awkward and almost formal. Before that fateful day, spending time with Sai was one of Kakashi's favorite things to do. The artist had completely opened up around his superior. He smiled genuinely and laughed freely. It was, well,  _ beautiful  _ to see. Now, he was much more closed off, similar to how he was when he first joined Team 7. When he did smile at Kakashi, which anymore it wasn't often, it was that damned fake one. 

 

Kakashi was hurting Sai by his attempt to protect him. He had done the relationship thing before, and it had ended in disaster. 

 

He idly wondered if Iruka would ever forgive him for it. Probably not. The chunin still had trouble looking Kakashi in the eye whenever they had to interact with each other. 

 

It was starting to look like his relationship with Sai was heading down the same road that Iruka's had gone: Cold, awkward professionalism. What made it worse was that he and Sai weren't ever together in that way, but their relationship was still crumbling to dust. Kakashi wanted  _ his  _ Sai back. Preferably before it was too late.

 

Kakashi didn't know what to do to salvage this. Even if he and Sai were to talk about this again, it wouldn't get them anywhere. If anything, it might even make things  _ worse.  _ The Copy Nin sighed in frustration. Maybe if he slept on it, he would come up with something. He kept his thoughts optimistic on his walk home.

  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this isn't my best work but I hope you like it anyway. I really want to keep going forward with this little story.

“Sensei, what the hell did you do to Sai?” Sakura demanded as she slid into her seat across from Kakashi. “Also, I can't believe you actually beat me here for once.”

 

Every week, if aligning schedules allowed it, Kakashi would take a day to spend one on one time with his students. Today was Sakura's. She had requested a few days prior that they go to her favorite tea shop. The place was a tad… flowery for his tastes, but according to Sakura this was the best tea house in Konoha. 

 

He halted his flipping through the frilly menu of desserts that he wouldn't eat to gape at his pink haired former student. Her emerald eyes were narrowed, and her lips were pressed into a firm line. She crossed her arms over her chest, intensifying her glare when Kakashi didn't answer immediately. Gods, she was terrifying. Perhaps even more so than Tsunade.

 

He held his hands up in surrender. “First of all, rude. I've been working on my tardiness, thank you. I arrived ten minutes early! Second, I don't know what you mean by 'what I have done to Sai’. I haven't done anything to him.”

 

Sakura snorted. “Obviously, you have. Sai has been acting really weird for  _ months.  _ I would have mentioned it a lot sooner, but I felt like it wasn't any of my business. But damn it, Naruto made some off hand comment a few days ago about you, and Sai honest to gods  _ froze.  _ So I am going to ask you again. What did you do?”

 

“I didn't do anything.” Kakashi insisted. Inside he was crumbling hearing that Sai was still so hurt over this. He just wanted to find the artist right now and make it right.

 

The server decided at that moment to arrive at their table. The tension in the air could be cut with a training kunai and the young civilian girl taking their order had definitely picked up on it. She fled as soon as she was able and Sakura deflated at her escape. 

 

“Okay, back to Sai. If you didn't do anything, then why is he acting like this? He's been like this since he nearly got himself killed getting in the middle of Naruto and Sasuke's spar.”

 

Sakura was far too perceptive sometimes. Nothing got past her. 

 

“You’re not going to let this go, are you?” Kakashi sighed. He resisted the urge to drop his head in his hands. He already felt horrible enough about the whole thing. Now, unintentionally, Sakura was just poking at the wound. Kakashi understood why she was so adamant about it. Sai was her friend and she just wanted to protect him.

 

Something in Kakashi's tone must have tipped her off, because thankfully Sakura didn't press further. “I'm sorry, Sensei. I shouldn't be meddling. It's just that I'm worried about Sai.”

 

“I know you are, Sakura. So am I. I'm going to fix this.”

 

Their poor server dropped their tea and Sakura's cake before scurrying away without a word. Kakashi eyed the sugary abomination in front of the kunoichi with abject disgust. “How can you eat something like that? It's making my teeth rot just looking at it.”

 

Sakura said something that sounded a lot like “fuck off” as she stuffed her mouth with the cake. Honestly. Didn't her parents teach her not to talk with her mouth full?

 

_ Kids these days… _

 

Kakashi slowly sipped at his black tea, making sure that his face was obscured when he had to pull down his mask. Sakura of course tried to sneak peeks of Kakashi's face as he did so. Things never changed, it seemed. He was more grateful for the mask today. It hid his horror at Sakura's cake. He didn't need her getting even more annoyed with him than she already was today.

 

After Sakura finished decimating her dessert at a speed Kakashi believed until now only Naruto could achieve, she took a sip of her tea and cleared her throat. “Now, I know I said I wouldn't badger you anymore for details about the Sai thing, but maybe I could offer some advice on how to fix things between you two.” 

 

“Sakura-” Kakashi began warningly.

 

“I'm serious, Sensei! I can help! I bet I could get the boys in on it too. It's for the good of the team!” She crossed her arms again, giving Kakashi her best puppy dog expression. Oh no.

 

“Maa, your puppy eyes need some work. Maybe you should get some pointers from Naruto. He's a natural.”

 

Sakura squaked indignantly and threw a napkin at him. “That's not fair, Sensei! They work on  _ Lee.” _

 

“You don't need to use them on Lee. He already does whatever you want him to. I've never seen such devotion in my entire life.”

 

“Ha. Stop deflecting.”

 

“I have no idea what you're talking about.” Kakashi said innocently. He leaned back a bit in his chair, trying his best not to lose his patience. Sakura's heart was in the right place, but this was absolutely none of her business.

 

They quickly finished their tea as the conversation dissolved into uncomfortable silence, and left a very generous tip for their server. The poor girl was probably hiding in the kitchen until they left. Dealing with temperamental shinobi on a daily basis should really pay more than it actually did. Perhaps Kakashi should mention raises for wait staff to Tsunade the next time he saw her.

 

He bade goodbye to Sakura, who tried to in turn offer to "help" with the Sai situation, but once again he declined. He knew that just because he said no that it wouldn't deter her in the least. Haruno Sakura was as stubborn as they come. Once she had her mind set on something, nothing would stop her. It was one of the things that Kakashi both admired the most about her and was most annoyed by.

 

Kakashi made his way slowly through the busy open marketplace, nose firmly buried in  _ Icha Icha Violence.  _ He steadfastly ignored shopkeepers' attempts to stop by their shops and kept walking. His good mood had been soured by his thoughts. Thanks to Sakura, guilt had been continuously gnawing at his gut. He desperately wanted to mend the ever growing gap between Sai and him, but he had no idea where to begin. The artist nin grew more and more distant with each encounter, and Kakashi in turn broke a little more.

 

Did he love Sai? Absolutely. He loved the young man with a ferocity that he didn't believe was possible when they first met. The intensity burned as brightly as it did for the rest of his team, Gai, and Team Minato. Somehow, however, what he felt for Sai was almost… different. It was a subtle difference, but enough to notice.

 

Was he  _ in love  _ with Sai? The automatic answer was no, but in reality he wasn't sure. He didn't know what it felt like to be truly in love with someone else. Infatuation and lust were entirely different animals than love. He had read about it in countless novels, experienced it when he hung out with couples, but other than that he had no basis to go off of.

 

_ Could _ Kakashi love him? That was another question he didn't have the answer to.

 

Maybe he should find Sai and find out. With renewed determination, Kakashi lept on the rooftops to fix this mess. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are life
> 
>  


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